Learning to relax, Just let go

     I have a hard time in just letting things happen.  I always try to think of every outcome, and plan for it.  I've known a lot of people in my past who never worried about "later down the road" (I remember 1 guy when I was at Lucent who, during all the layoffs, said that if he got laid off..so be it, and if he lost everything afterwards..it is what it is, and he was going to have a good time anyways and not worry about it.  Nothing he could do to prevent it anyways so why get stressed out trying to fight it.), and were much happier, seemed more relaxed, and things usually ended up working out for them anyways.

     I on the other hand have never been able to just let things happen.  I thought I had planned on every outcome of when I quit my alarm job and got into banking.  I knew I couldn't be an installer anymore.  My body was telling me I was done, get out before I got seriously hurt.  I also knew I couldn't just go to another company because they're all the same way....just work you to death.  I also knew mentally I was done.  I was the one that they knew would get the job done, and I was really good at it also.  It was easier on the bosses to just pile more crap on me that way they didn't have to deal with it, instead of making sure the other guy would "get the job done".  Mentally I was checked out, so much so Lori was seriously concerned I would be in a hospital soon.  I also knew I would never get a desk job there because they needed me in the field to pull all the extra weight of others.  It's the only company I didn't get promoted in within a couple of years.  I was stuck...slowly working myself to death.

     So...I got a job elsewhere, in banking.  I've always been good at math.  Whole family is actually.  I was enjoying learning about the mortgage business.  I made sure we were set up so we could afford a huge pay cut and not be hurting financially.  Sure where I was at paid less than industry standard, but I accepted that knowing I had no experience, but was hoping they would teach me, then once I got the experience, I would see where I was at there, or seek employment elsewhere that paid more.  I probably would've stayed because even though they paid less, it really was a fun and relaxed atmosphere, which is important to me.  More so than a huge paycheck.  What I hadn't counted on was being laid off after 80 days (or Lori, but at least she got called back after 3 weeks).
I'm trying to look at it like at least it got me out of the alarm/tech industry.  I knew they would never fire me (not that I was trying...not in my nature to do a "bad" job on purpose.  No matter how miserable I was..it was a matter of pride to do my best job possible), so at least I'm getting unemployment.  My body is slowly recovering, so that's another bonus.  But, this is a bad time to look for work.  Usually this time of year the only things out there are seasonal, most companies that have jobs that pay a livable income don't really hire until the beginning of the year it seems,
and also it seems a lot of them are going to 30 hours or less, or waiting because of Obamacare (please don't turn this into a political debate).  I checked the other day, and I'm on the list to be called back when things pick up...and it's getting busier...just not busy enough.

     I bring all this up because I'm having  a hard time relaxing.  I'm stressing out over things out of my control.  I worry way to much according to Lori (I get it from my dad..always looking at the negative).  She keeps telling me it'll all work out.  It usually does for us, but I don't like to leave things to chance.  I need some Fiat therapy.

     Needing our special therapy, we've been planning on a trip to the Ozarks.  Just go and drive thru the hills.  Taking the backroads   Picking a destination, finding a route off the beaten path, and just going, exploring.  Discovering things that you wouldn't normally see by taking the main routes.  Money wise we're ok.  I've been very frugal, careful to not spend except on the necessities.  Still have money in savings, and not behind on bills at all.  We're better off than most in our situation.  I planned it that way.  Last night I started having doubts though..thinking it's not such a good idea.  I wanted to wait till we had this car we won over and done with, and the money in the bank first, then I could relax a little.  We can get a hotel in the area for pretty cheap, between 50-70 bucks for the night.  Not a 5 star hotel, but at least a place to sleep.  Wouldn't spend a lot on gas either.  But, I also  started thinking that maybe we should reserve a room, to be on the safe side, not leaving things to chance.  

     I want this to be like the road trips of old.  before you could make reservations online and such.  When people would take trips, and when they needed to rest for the night, find a place, and just check in.  I'm having a hard time letting myself just do it that way.  I called the tourism office in Branson, and the lady said that this time of year we shouldn't have a hard time getting a room that way, and that there's nothing special going on where all the rooms are full, but I'm fighting the urge to make a reservation, stressing over it actually.  I want this to be an adventure, just leave things to chance for a change.  Just go and see what happens, and just enjoy ourselves on the way.  Not worry about things and just relax.

     We got Lil Blue for a fun car.  To help us relax...we've earned it.  It's suppose to be our vehicle to adventure, and exploration.  No practical reason for getting it.  So here we are, me trying to learn to just let go.  Just let things happen and trying to learn to relax.  Man I envy those that know how to do this.

Lil Blue reflects how we are

     I think people try to get cars that reflect who they are.  Usually since they are purchasing one as a daily use car also, they end up getting something that's more practical for their use, and not a reflection of their personality.  Pickup trucks, suv's, minivans..etc.  Ok..pickups and suv's can be a reflection, but they're practical also for the most part.  My sister drives a Honda Element she named "Ellie" that she loves.  I think in my family we like cars that are unique, fun, but make sense.  I remember way back when I was a kid, the only new car my dad ever bought was a 71 or 72 Volkswagen Beetle.  It was right before they stopped selling them here in the States.  Not very practical for upstate NY especially in the winter.  Sure it did great in the snow, but rarely had heat, couldn't take more than 2 people in it for long distances because of the lack of cargo space...etc.  But it was a fun unique car.

     A good friend of ours (who also is our tax lady, if you live in the area...and need a good tax professional  let me know....she's very good at what she does, and takes great pride in her work, and keeping up with the ever changing tax codes) took a chance on herself when she was suddenly without a job, by reinventing herself and beat the system by becoming very successful at being self employed.  I would've said by working for herself, but she doesn't...she works for her clients, and she loves what she does.  This year she got herself a BMW convertible (not sure what kind, it's the bigger one).  She didn't buy new, but a got a heck of a deal on a gently used late model one (she's always lucky in picking out good used cars that are like new....unlike me, and is very smart/careful with her money).  It's her "fun" car, and it reflects her well.  It's stately, elegant without being pretentious, but with a sense of "I'm ready to have fun at a moment's notice".  You could almost imagine a briefcase in the trunk along with a cooler, lawn chairs, a good book...etc for when the mood strikes her to do a spur of a moment getaway.   She's the kind of person that would be just as comfortable staying at the Waldorf Astoria, enjoying fine dining, as she would be at a bonfire eating bbq and listening to someone strumming a guitar, and having a few laughs...and her car fits both criteria.  I mention her because we enjoy bantering back and forth about BMW vs Fiat.

     Now, I don't think you would ever see us in Lil Blue pulling up in front of a 5 star restaurant that has valet parking (Lori wanted to use valet parking last weekend, but the image of that scene in Ferris Bueller's Day off (where the parking attendants went out for a joyride in the Ferrari) kept running thru my skull), and where everyone is formally dressed.  But then again, maybe we would.  Not formally dressed...but wearing hawaiian shirts, shorts/jeans depending on the weather, and not really looking like we belong, and not really caring either.  Even though Lil Blue isn't really all that practical for more than 2 people (though Lori has been using it for commuting because it gets good gas mileage), it is "fun".  You could never imagine a briefcase in the trunk, but the fixings for margaritas...absolutely (disclaimer...we never "drink and drive", I always drive on these occasions because I stopped drinking alcohol a while ago, and don't miss it.  Even when I did, one of us always remained sober to be the driver), along with beach towels and the such.

     We wanted a car that was unique and fun.  That said we don't follow the "mainstream", and made us happy and feel good.  Though I like the Mustang, everyone has one (probably because it is a good car..but still).  And people our age that drive them seem to be trying to relive glory days of high school, or trying to get a sense of being part of the "in" group.  Camaros (at least the latest one), I did like the look, but after getting in one, didn't like it.  Wasn't comfortable at all, didn't feel right, and having talked to Camaro owners..I heard a lot of buyer's remorse.  After checking out other convertibles, Fiat felt like the right choice.  It felt fun, whimsical, carefree.   That last word "carefree"...that's what I needed.  I haven't felt "carefree" since I was stationed in England (surprisingly that I felt carefree in the military...but I did).  Right now, with our present situation...I need to go out and do some Fiat Therapy again.  I need to regain that sense of being carefree that I lost right before my birthday.  I have to many things I'm worrying/stressing about.  I quit my alarm job because, not only was I in constant physical pain, I was stressed all the time.  When I got on at Nations...my old self started coming back...Lori and everyone around me saw the difference.  I need to find my old self again

Fiat Therapy

     I know this isn't a "story" about someplace we went, but wanted to share something that our little car helps us with.  Therapy.  Others call it "blowing off steam".  Lori and I have discovered that if we've had a bad day at work, it helps to put the top down on Lil Blue and just drive.  I kind of understand why bikers just go and ride sort of.  I could never get the hang of riding a motorcycle, no matter how many friends tried to teach me.  The bikers I hung out with in England finally gave up.  I ended up being the one that brought the beer and stuff in my car if we went to the beach or somewhere.
     I had forgotten about this form of therapy.  Probably because I haven't had a car that was designed to enjoy the road for quite some time.  My vehicles since I got out of the military have been practical in nature,  pickup trucks for hauling tools, and a camper, and the suv for Lori for hauling family and dogs.  While I was stationed in England, I had a Fiat Supra Supermirafiori 2.0 Rally specs.  The back country roads were so much fun to drive, and I had a good route that I would take.  Starting from the base I was stationed at to Ely (where I would stop to visit friends if I was done with blowing off steam), then cut over to Littleport (another small town I had some local friends in.  This group I would race my car against for fun), and back to base.  The route had it all, 

longer straight aways to floor it on, tight curves, and even a little "jump" over some train tracks that you could get some air on.  It was a good run to go out on to clear my head.

     I have a route here also.  Old 56 hwy thru Gardner (where I stop for coffee at a local coffee house called The Groundhouse http://www.groundhousecoffee.com/), to K33.  Left on K68 to old KC Road thru Hillsdale, then onto 169 hwy and back home.  

     I've been doing this on Sunday mornings before Lori wakes up to have some "me" time.  Top down, music cranked, and just drive.  The only down side...mostly straight.  Kansas doesn't have a lot of twisty, curvy roads unless you live near someplace like the Flint Hills that really challenge your driving skills.

     Reason why I'm writing this down is because I haven't done this in a while.  Over a month I think.  Been busy, and been watching our money and don't want to waste the money on gas.  But I think I'm about due.  Need to get out a blow the cobwebs out of my head.

Atchison, KS

     Lori and I have discussed going here for a while.  Being that Amelia Earhart was from here, we thought it would be a great place to visit.  They sure do tout it as it's claim to fame.  

     We took K-7 thru Leavenworth (another destination someday) there.  A decent drive with gentle curves and hills.  We stopped off at the visitor center/train depot.  They had a nice little museum about the town, with a nice, and informative history of the town and various aspects.  Good displays/exhibits also.  They had a map/brochure of the town with points of interests marked out.  It's an older town with lots of stately homes.  Most of the homes on the map are privately owned, so you obviously can only see them from the road.  On the way out we ran into a small group going in, but had stopped to admire Lil Blue so we got to talking yet again.  Lori let the wife get in the car, and she absolutely loved it, but her husband was a retired UAW member, so him not so much, until we talked.  I explained to him that it was designed by Ferrari engineers, which he wasn't impressed by stating it's not American.  Well, as I explained, that Fiat owns Chrysler now, and that this is a European car...not Asian, he finally warmed up to it.  UAW folks don't really care for cars from Asia...but I guess European cars are ok for them.

 Gargoyle House

Amelia Earhart's house is a museum though.  Sadly when I was researching, I thought it said entrance fee was only a couple of bucks, but turned out to be like 10 or 15 per person according to the sign on the door, so we didn't go in.

     We left there, and went to the main down town hoping to find a good, locally owned place to eat.  No such luck.  The main downtown area is mainly 3rd or 4th hand thrift stores, full of clothes mostly, law offices, and a consignment store where nothing really caught our eye.

     Heading back home we took hwy 59 like we were going to St. Joseph, until we reached 116 east.  I mention this because the speed limit is 55mph, and it's a twisty, hilly road which was so much fun to drive.  Just be careful, we came up over 1 rise to see a huge tractor with dualies on the back taking up 3/4ths of the road.  Let's just say the Fiat has great brakes 'cause I had to test them right then and there.  We continued on until we hit 371 south into Platte City/Tracey, then turned onto 4th street/State Hwy N heading south until I435 to 45 hwy into Parkville.  We stopped there for lunch which also was really good and browsed the antique stores that were in the center of the original town.  Parkville was worth the trip, but the only real good thing about Atchison I feel is the visitor center museum, and the road we took out.

Weston, MO

We've gone back to this town a couple of times, and is really worth it.  We usually get off in Platte City and take 273 into Weston, and come back on 45 into Parkville.  Weston is a great day trip place with lots of local arts and "crafts" stores, antique stores and decent places to eat.  Very picturesque town.  We use to go to the pub there all the time where they have live Irish folk music on weekends.  It's in the caves under the old brewery which is now a restaurant.  haven't been in a while because the last time we went, even though we got there like 8, it was already packed, and couldn't get down into the room where the band was playing.  I'll try to take pictures next time we go.  It really is a nice town.

Lil Blue at camp

     When we bring the stuff back out that we bring home for the winter, we normally use the SUV.  This year we decided to see if we could get everything into Lil Blue.

It all fit.  Of course we didn't have the dogs with us.  The day we did this wasn't that great

But it did get nicer later in the spring.

And we can fit all our weekend camp gear in the trunk, leaving room for Rugen in the back.

Lil Blue takes a trip to Colorado Part 3

Another excursion took us up into the actual Rocky Mountains thru Estes Park into Rocky Mountain National Park.  Now Lori understands why the mountains around Boulder are just the foothills.  We took our niece Jen with us for the day.  The main road, 36 hwy, wasn't challenging, but was scenic.  ok...all of Colorado is scenic.  We stopped by the visitor's center in Estes Park to make sure the road was open (even at the end of May, there's still snow in the higher elevations, and to prove a point, a couple days afterwards, the road got shut down due to snow).

Paid the fee to get into the park, and gave Jen the year pass so she and Jon could come back anytime they want.  The drive up to the top took a lot longer than I remember from the first time I was there.  I also was actually glad we were in the Fiat and not my truck or SUV.  Coming down the opposite direction were, occasionally, big ole RV's that the drivers, being overly cautious, were actually in my lane, to avoid the cliff wall on the other side.  Funny thing is, that would force me to the cliff edge on my side, with nothing to stop us from going over.  Still had room, but was a bit nerve wracking.   We would pull over here and there to take in the views on our way up.

And would keep going until we got above the tree line where there was nothing but snow.

And more snow

Until we got to the top.

If we had gone a little further, we would of crossed the continental divide.  Wish we had known, be nice to say we did it.  Maybe next time.  On the way back down, I'm glad that the car has a manual shifter mode because I realized I was riding my brakes way to much.  Finally made use of it, which helped a lot.  We pulled over yet again to climb around.  Something else Lori and I discovered, maybe it's the elevation or something, but we had so much more energy there.  No idea why.

We stopped off in Estes Park for lunch.  Decent place, but the town reminded me of the town the movie The Great Outdoors was set in.  Very touristy.  Also, looked at the hotel that Stephen King got his inspiration for the book The Shining from.

     I let dad drive Lil Blue one evening when we went and got Gelato.  He was really impressed with the car, so much so he wouldn't let me drive it back (how can I say "no" to my dad).  That made me feel good..though you could tell he wasn't use to brakes that are more for higher performance, and aren't as "squishy".  It made me a little "nervous", but to be fair, I have to "get use to them" again if I've been driving another vehicle for a bit.
      The drive back home, we fought the same crosswind going to Colorado.  We opted to stay an extra day, and were glad we did because really bad storms hit Kansas the day we had planned on coming back.  Lots of damage, and we would've been in the middle of it.  There was a little old lady (looked to be in her 80's) driving a late model Corvette, that turned her nose up at our car with an air of disgust.  It was like how dare we park next to her Vette in the gas station.  This was at the last pit stop on the way home.  We caught up with her on I70.  We we only doing maybe 5 above the speed limit.  Think she couldn't stand the thought of our little car passing her, so she cut in front of us and floored it.  We would keep catching up to her because she would get behind another car until she saw us, then would whip around like a maniac and speed off up the road until we caught up again.  We caught up with her again, but in a one lane construction zone, where she kept drifting towards the cones, getting so close, then whipping the Vette back.  I finally backed way off just in case she did hit the cones.
     On the east side of Lawrence, having kept my distance a bit, she was finally passed by a Camero.  Well, you could tell she was having none of that, so she whipped around the car that she was following, and took off after it.  Caught up with her again at the toll booth.  She was stuck in a line of several cars, and I happen to get in the far line that only had a semi in it.  I pulled up as it was pulling out, so I obviously beat her past the toll booths.  Never saw her again
     Our 4 legged freeloaders were so glad to see us when we got home...hopping all over the place.  It was good to be home.  We really enjoyed our trip, and seeing everyone.  Special thanks goes to our friend Dana who doggie sat for us while we were away.