Learning to relax, Just let go

     I have a hard time in just letting things happen.  I always try to think of every outcome, and plan for it.  I've known a lot of people in my past who never worried about "later down the road" (I remember 1 guy when I was at Lucent who, during all the layoffs, said that if he got laid off..so be it, and if he lost everything afterwards..it is what it is, and he was going to have a good time anyways and not worry about it.  Nothing he could do to prevent it anyways so why get stressed out trying to fight it.), and were much happier, seemed more relaxed, and things usually ended up working out for them anyways.

     I on the other hand have never been able to just let things happen.  I thought I had planned on every outcome of when I quit my alarm job and got into banking.  I knew I couldn't be an installer anymore.  My body was telling me I was done, get out before I got seriously hurt.  I also knew I couldn't just go to another company because they're all the same way....just work you to death.  I also knew mentally I was done.  I was the one that they knew would get the job done, and I was really good at it also.  It was easier on the bosses to just pile more crap on me that way they didn't have to deal with it, instead of making sure the other guy would "get the job done".  Mentally I was checked out, so much so Lori was seriously concerned I would be in a hospital soon.  I also knew I would never get a desk job there because they needed me in the field to pull all the extra weight of others.  It's the only company I didn't get promoted in within a couple of years.  I was stuck...slowly working myself to death.

     So...I got a job elsewhere, in banking.  I've always been good at math.  Whole family is actually.  I was enjoying learning about the mortgage business.  I made sure we were set up so we could afford a huge pay cut and not be hurting financially.  Sure where I was at paid less than industry standard, but I accepted that knowing I had no experience, but was hoping they would teach me, then once I got the experience, I would see where I was at there, or seek employment elsewhere that paid more.  I probably would've stayed because even though they paid less, it really was a fun and relaxed atmosphere, which is important to me.  More so than a huge paycheck.  What I hadn't counted on was being laid off after 80 days (or Lori, but at least she got called back after 3 weeks).
I'm trying to look at it like at least it got me out of the alarm/tech industry.  I knew they would never fire me (not that I was trying...not in my nature to do a "bad" job on purpose.  No matter how miserable I was..it was a matter of pride to do my best job possible), so at least I'm getting unemployment.  My body is slowly recovering, so that's another bonus.  But, this is a bad time to look for work.  Usually this time of year the only things out there are seasonal, most companies that have jobs that pay a livable income don't really hire until the beginning of the year it seems,
and also it seems a lot of them are going to 30 hours or less, or waiting because of Obamacare (please don't turn this into a political debate).  I checked the other day, and I'm on the list to be called back when things pick up...and it's getting busier...just not busy enough.

     I bring all this up because I'm having  a hard time relaxing.  I'm stressing out over things out of my control.  I worry way to much according to Lori (I get it from my dad..always looking at the negative).  She keeps telling me it'll all work out.  It usually does for us, but I don't like to leave things to chance.  I need some Fiat therapy.

     Needing our special therapy, we've been planning on a trip to the Ozarks.  Just go and drive thru the hills.  Taking the backroads   Picking a destination, finding a route off the beaten path, and just going, exploring.  Discovering things that you wouldn't normally see by taking the main routes.  Money wise we're ok.  I've been very frugal, careful to not spend except on the necessities.  Still have money in savings, and not behind on bills at all.  We're better off than most in our situation.  I planned it that way.  Last night I started having doubts though..thinking it's not such a good idea.  I wanted to wait till we had this car we won over and done with, and the money in the bank first, then I could relax a little.  We can get a hotel in the area for pretty cheap, between 50-70 bucks for the night.  Not a 5 star hotel, but at least a place to sleep.  Wouldn't spend a lot on gas either.  But, I also  started thinking that maybe we should reserve a room, to be on the safe side, not leaving things to chance.  

     I want this to be like the road trips of old.  before you could make reservations online and such.  When people would take trips, and when they needed to rest for the night, find a place, and just check in.  I'm having a hard time letting myself just do it that way.  I called the tourism office in Branson, and the lady said that this time of year we shouldn't have a hard time getting a room that way, and that there's nothing special going on where all the rooms are full, but I'm fighting the urge to make a reservation, stressing over it actually.  I want this to be an adventure, just leave things to chance for a change.  Just go and see what happens, and just enjoy ourselves on the way.  Not worry about things and just relax.

     We got Lil Blue for a fun car.  To help us relax...we've earned it.  It's suppose to be our vehicle to adventure, and exploration.  No practical reason for getting it.  So here we are, me trying to learn to just let go.  Just let things happen and trying to learn to relax.  Man I envy those that know how to do this.